


Little Bastards (Saiouma)

by ySoda (yrxole)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi, Explicit Language, Fights, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Oma Kokichi, Homophobic Language, I Tried, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kaito isn't homophobic by the way he's gonna be a good friend eventually, Kissing, Light Angst, M for the no no words and they kiss I guess, M/M, Minor Injuries, Minor Original Character(s), Not Beta Read, Oneshot, Original Character(s), Sad Saihara Shuichi, Saihara Shuichi Overthinking, Saihara Shuichi-centric, Slurs, Song Lyrics, ft me pushing my problems onto shuichi, kaito has a harold they're lesbians moment, oumasai, saiouma, the oc characters are just there to be mean tbh, we spell oma like ouma it's ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:28:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24560836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yrxole/pseuds/ySoda
Summary: ‘Whoa, first time you spoke to me in days and you just go and lie to me?’, the boy pouted dramatically. ‘Not cool, Saihara!’.‘Okay, fine, parties aren’t really my thing’, the bluenette confessed with a huff, rolling his eyes but still liking the comfortable and familiar interaction with the purple haired trickster.‘No offense’, Kokichi started with an unreadable expression, ‘but why are you here then?’
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede & Saihara Shuichi, Akamatsu Kaede/Harukawa Maki, Amami Rantaro & Oma Kokichi, Momota Kaito & Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 27
Kudos: 300





	Little Bastards (Saiouma)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:
> 
> (Inspired by Little Bastards by Palaye Royale)
> 
> I spent my whole day writing this so I am gonna upload it even though I didn't have time to reread it, my apologies.  
> The origionals are literally there just to be mean since I didn't want to accidentally make people's fave characters mean, and I basically projected my insecurities on them so that's fun I guess? Anyways they're not based on real anime charachters I literally just searched up some names and was like yea that's cool. I can't take Gima seriously is all I'm saying and that's rich cuz I know what part of my nightmares that dude is from lmao
> 
> Trigger warning: f slur, homophobic stuff, kaito isn't homophobic we love a good man here 
> 
> (also be aware that it's almost 12 when I'm posting this and I usually go to bed around 10 since I'm lazy as shit and I like my sleep so it's late alright)
> 
> constructive criticism is welcome, but please don't be too harsh on me :)

* * *

_  
✧*:.｡. Fake friends all around _

_They watch while I drown_

_No one is there to help me .｡.:*✧  
  
_

* * *

‘No, thank you’, Shuichi Saihara shook his head timidly as the slender girl next to him held out the joint for him to take, and he sighed softly at the confused snort that came from her. It were moments like these that the bluenette wished he could just disappear right where he stood, that he could actually melt into the couch like he felt he did at the moment anyway, as the judging eyes of those of his friends that were mobile and sane enough to hear their interaction pried into his skin. 

At first it had seemed very fun, being in a group of people that lived their life risking more than a mentally stable person should, spending multiple nights together when they really should be minding the fact that they still had school the next day and drinking what they could get their hands on although they definitely shouldn’t get their hands on things like that, definitely since they were still a group of minors and therefore they would definitely get in trouble for the amount of alcohol and other dubious liquids that could be found in the residences of these young adults. Shuichi himself hadn’t been much of a daredevil, and liked to take things seriously and do things with care as long as he could. He had been interested in the way of living of these people, and even though he didn’t exactly want to participate in their actions, he still couldn’t help his curiosity. Kaito Momota, a good (and one of the small few if he had to be honest to himself) friend of his had been part of this group of people, and he told him all about it for as long as Saihara could remember. He usually spoke about good memories, memories that made the bluenette jealous that the aspiring astronaut had so much fun during his free time whilst Shuichi himself didn’t do much else than read and stay indoors, and this led to the taller male introducing him to the group of people which was much larger than Shuichi had expected it to be. 

That wasn’t much of a problem of course. It did however become a problem once they went to the same class, and now he was actually a part of this group of people, he started to realise the small mentions of toxicity that Kaito had hinted at in some of their past conversations. One of the things that Saihara had noticed since this bond started between them, is that they were very pushy. If they did something risky, the others had to do so as well, and although Shuichi tried to decline politely as much as he could, he was usually guilt tripped into still performing actions he didn’t really deem necessary for his own education, so to say. They also seemed to have no guilt themselves, since on multiple occasions the young male had gotten injured during these challenges, and never once did the teens apologize. Of course, injury was normal to them, and they could laugh it off, but Saihara’s pain tolerance wasn’t that great and he would’ve appreciated it if Momota stood up for him a bit more. 

Of course, his friend helped out once or twice when they wanted to force the blue haired student to eat something that the self proclaimed luminary of the stars knew he was allergic to or things like that, but even he, with his loud voice, couldn’t always stop the things from happening to Saihara anyway. The peer pressure was very usual in the friend group, something that Shuichi had never been a fan of and wouldn’t become either. Even if he tried to stand his ground, he didn’t feel like he could really set his limits when it came to these teens, which is how he found himself in this specific situation as well at the moment. 

The music that was playing was loud and like nothing the boy had heard before, and went through the whole house, hurting his ears in whichever room he would decide to stay in. This was honestly the easiest one since it was the least crowded. Not everyone that was around belonged to the group, but most people from their school had been invited and a lot of the seventeen and sixteen year olds found it to be interesting and exciting, definitely enjoying an evening they should have probably spend studying for the next couple of days in a stranger’s house drinking till they couldn’t walk straight anymore. Shuichi didn’t blame them of course, after all, everyone should be able to make their own decisions with what they would want to do with their bodies and minds, but he himself had less say in it, as it seemed. When the topic of the party came up, he tried to excuse himself and come up with a good excuse why he wouldn’t be able to attend, but Gima, a larger guy that sported old suits he probably lent from his old man and had red unruly hair tied back in some strange looking ponytail was very able to see through people’s bullshit stories, as he put it himself. The bluenette knew that Momota and Gima were particularly close friends, but he wasn’t sure why, since there were literally no good qualities about the guy as far as the young student could tell. 

So here he was, trying to close his ears off a bit to the harsh music that made his brain thump painfully in his skull, as the sound of teenagers making out and laughing was maybe even more annoying when he was sitting right next to it than he remembered it being when he saw those cheesy scenes on some teen comedy show or whatever his past friends used to watch. The sad thing was, there wasn’t much he could do to get those friends back and leave this pact of a clique. There was a reason they called themselves Little Bastards, and proudly so. They truly were the _bastards_ that most people their age didn’t want to be around, or at least they didn’t want to be associated with them. So he was forced to just sit here and endure the fact that Ryoko, the pretty but easily angered sixteen year old that tried to make him smoke with her was now sucking faces with someone else that he couldn’t remember the name of right now, and that several people were talking around them, although he couldn’t focus on a single one of the words. 

He held the red cup that he had filled with water himself (he didn’t trust the other students to give him anything that truly didn’t contain alcohol) tightly in his hands as he sipped on the cold liquid, trying to ease his mind this way, but it didn’t really help. He detested the way that the girls around him would behave towards each other, and he despised the way the guys he knew as pretty decent human beings completely lost themselves in the situation, and he hated how the scent of liquor, smoke and whatever other things the kids were taking was invading his nostrils and making him cringe a bit. This truly wasn’t his kind of gathering, and he had tried to tell Gima this, but the dude had shown up to his door anyway and took him with. If the car ride wasn’t a horrible experience already, this definitely was. 

It would’ve probably been fine if he actually liked the students he could see around here, but the thing was, he didn’t. Ever since he became a part of their little clique, he could tell that neither of them seemed too fond of them either, or at least not in an okay-way. However, he was a friend of Kaito’s, and a friend of Kaito’s was a friend of theirs, which is how the whole ordeal started. On multiple occasions had Shuichi been pushed to do things he didn’t want to do, some more dangerous than other things, and they simply didn’t listen to him. They didn’t listen to him when he told them he didn’t want any of this, they didn’t listen to him when he said he needed time for himself, they didn’t listen to him when he told them he wasn’t doing that well and they didn’t listen to him at all in any other occasion. 

Faintly Shuichi could hear that Kaito was talking to him, and he tried his best to make out what he was trying to tell him, which was a harder task than it should’ve been. ‘SO, as I was saying’, he made out were the aspiring astronaut’s words, ‘I think she totally digs me, bro! And maybe I should just go for it, cuz Maki isn’t getting any younger, y’know?’, Momota rambled, making the bluenette want to facepalm himself. Instead of doing that, he just pinched the bridge of his nose and made a confirming ‘hmm’ sound to the boy, hoping that he wasn’t supposed to engage in a very deep conversation about his liking for the girl that also attended their class and didn’t seem interested in anyone in the slightest. Of course, Kaito kept talking, and he wouldn’t have minded if it wasn’t for the place he was at and the mood he was in, so instead of listening he just muttered a ‘yeah great’, so now and then loud enough for his friend to hear. 

Saihara spilled some of the water that was in his cup over his shirt as he suddenly got nudged in the shoulder by the male next to him, who apologized calmly before smirking a bit at him. ‘So, how’s it going with.. Kaede, hmm?’, Kaito asked, his grin not falling, as he didn’t realised that the fact that the bluenette’s face fell wasn’t because his suspicions were correct. 

Recently his “friends” had started this idea that Shuichi had a romantic interest in his former best friend Kaede Akamatsu. And of course, she was beautiful, nice, and a great person; she didn’t even mind that Saihara didn’t hang out with her often anymore, as she understood he needed his space sometimes, and she was actually the person that would drive him home today, since she actually was old enough to do so and he trusted her with it. Sure, Kaede would have been the perfect choice for him, and he was one hundred percent sure that he would’ve liked her, if he wasn’t in fact a _homosexual._ That was however, something he couldn’t really explain to the others, since it didn’t seem to be as accepted as rude behavior among the group. He couldn’t imagine Momota to exactly mind, but he couldn’t be sure either. He had tried to come out to some of the people that seemed more accepting already, but that had ended in a disaster, and it was almost never talked about anymore. Definitely when he tried to mention his crush was Kokichi Ouma of all people, that didn’t sit too well with the clique, that had a shared hatred towards the boy for whatever reason. 

‘Just fine Kaito, but you know I don’t like her in the way you seem to think I do’, Shuichi responded to his friend, making his voice a bit louder than usual because of the fact that Momota probably wouldn’t be able to hear him otherwise. It was almost as if the music became louder every second that passed, and the bluenette could feel a familiar panic setting in his stomach. ‘Sure you don’t, of course, of course’, the taller male joked, and of course it wasn’t meant in a mean way, he _was_ jokingly teasing him for a nonexistent crush, but it didn’t help the unwell feeling that was setting in Saihara’s stomach at all. They were talking loud enough for the people around them to hear, and there were always a couple that couldn’t seem to let go of the confession that the bluenette had once made. 

And sooner or later he knew it would happen, but still, he hoped that the small whimper that left him went unnoticed by most as the girl that had been sitting on the couch as well spoke up, almost in a degrading way. ‘You’re not still in that gay phase of yours, right?’, she asked with a frown, and still with a lack of makeup her light brows were noticeably angled. Shuichi remembered her name to be something like Hoashi or something, and he didn’t bother to learn the first names of those that were supposed to be his friends. Eyes were focussed on him with the question, something that made him very uncomfortable. 

The loud ‘You wanna go do a line now, Blueberry?!’, that Ryoko yelled his way from where she was standing was just the tip of the iceberg, even with the nickname that she had rewarded him after they spend some time together from which he couldn’t remember much more than throwing up because of the different types of things she tried to make him drink. ‘N-No, I’, Shuichi started, his mind getting a little foggy and his head pounding even more than before. ‘Oh come on, don’t be a fucking wuss. You never say yes to me!’, the girl complained, hands on her hips and glaring at the guy. ‘I-I… I need some air’, he coughed out, feeling himself on the verge of a panic attack from every overwhelming feeling around him. 

He didn’t want to be here.   
He needed to be home.   
He needed to study.   
He was going to fail. 

‘You’re not still thinking about going home, are you, study freak?’, Gima roared from across the room, making the teens laugh on his expense, and the boy fumbled with his fingers nervously. ‘It’s Saihara’s turn now, chug!’, was called from the other side, yet another student whose name he didn’t bother to learn gesturing for him to make him come over. He wasn’t sure why he was mister popular at the moment, but he knew they tried to make him a part of their habits far more often than this, and it usually resulted into things like these. ‘I-I need to go outside, I need some air’, he repeated, feeling himself wheeze softly as he stood up, his chest feeling heavy. 

Someone placed their hand on his shoulder, with a calm ‘cool, we can go get some more beer then’, the voice sounded, one he couldn’t exactly recognize and didn’t want to bother trying to recognize. Great, now _they_ would be coming with him. The plan had actually been to go outside, call Ouma and ask him if he could please, _pretty please_ bring him home, since he truly didn’t want to be there at the moment. He knew he could rely on the guy, even if he was a bit unpredictable at times. He preferred the unpredictable Ouma over his pressuring and overwhelming friend group any time. 

So he was pushed outside by the group as they surrounded him, making their way in the street to go visit the local supermarket. He could tell that at least half of the group was already drunk, something that would be a problem later on, since he didn’t feel like being seen with the group of drunken idiots if they were actually mean to others because of this. He felt like he was living in some stupid teen drama the more time he spend with Kaito’s friends, and he really didn’t understand how he could be content with these types of bonds where the bluenette was aware that everyone was talking about each other behind their backs and still showing no less hypocrisy than before. It was still nice to get some clean air in his system, the cold breeze nice on his skin instead of the clam and musty feeling of being in a room with too many wild teenagers. Their voices rang through the air, and Shuichi could only cringe a bit as he realised that they were probably waking up the whole neighbourhood. 

* * *

_  
✧*:.｡. Sometimes, I've been losing my mind _

_Running out of faith .｡.:*✧  
  
_

* * *

  
A sudden weight was dropped on his back as arms wrapped around his shoulder and a young girl hung over him, whose name he couldn’t quite place, but the scent of gum that always seemed to hang around her he did recognize. He was pretty sure she had been one of the sucking-faces people before, and he suddenly felt very uncomfortable with the amount of spit that could have been stuck to that girl’s skin at the moment. ‘Please get off me’, Saihara tried, grabbing onto the hands that were around his neck, and trying to push her off, but her grip was fairly strong for a drunk person. ‘C’mon now, Saihara’, she purred his name but mispronounced it to sound more like _see-har-ha_ in her state, making the bluenette cringe, as a scent of alcohol now also reached his nose. ‘The polite boys are the most nasty, mm?’, she grinned and slurred a bit as she spoke, making the boy tremble a bit as he turned his face away from her, hoping to get rid of the nasty liquor smell that reminded him too much of his parents to enjoy. 

He tried to be clear about the fact that walking like this, with her wrapped around his throat, wasn’t exactly ideal and he didn’t like her in the way she seemed to be showing an interest in her, but she didn’t exactly listen as their friends only encouraged this behaviour with cheering and whistles. A little panicky Shuichi looked around to try and spot Kaito in the group of people, since he might have been the only one that would be able to get the girl off of him and get their friends to calm down, but he was nowhere to be seen. Now that he thought about it, Momota hadn’t told him he would be coming with either, so apparently he wasn’t outside to begin with, and Shuichi would be on his own in this situation. 

‘Ugh, come on Blueberry’, Ryoko again cackled, and he didn’t remember her actually coming with, as she ran a hand through her pixie cut. ‘Loosen up a little!’. She probably didn’t mean it in a bad way, but it fueled the girl to pinch the skin under the boy’s shirt, and Shuichi yelped as he pushed her hand away. The chuckling around him didn’t stop because of that, and now with a red uncomfortable face, he pushed his shirt further down to hide whatever skin she had revealed with the action. ‘Don’t you have a boyfriend?’, he muttered with a sigh, hoping it would end some of his problems, but it didn’t. It only made him feel more empty with the people that he at first was confident of he would warm up to. He was a bit of a coward, sure, and they could laugh about it all they wanted, but he had his limits, and they wouldn’t listen to him anyway. 

Luckily, as they reached the small shop, the girl finally let him be and instead excitedly followed her peers into the small building. Saihara had been in there a couple of times, but not countless times, so he would have to figure out where everything was again when he was inside. He could use the lay out of the shop in a way to distance himself from the group even if it was just for the time being. 

He could already notice the awkward glance of the cashier on them, the poor woman probably being a little uncomfortable by the sight of the loud group of teens, although she didn’t mention anything as the kids roamed around the place. Shuichi decided he would just get himself something small to snack on since he didn’t really trust the food that the others had prepared, and perhaps something else than water so he could at least pretend to have a bit of fun. So he trailed along the aisles, trying to distance himself from his peers. 

He stopped in his tracks when he saw some of the girls take some beers and inspecting them, making Saihara frown. ‘Hey, you can’t buy that, right?’, he asked calmly, knowing that they too were underage and definitely not of the age to be able to buy any type of alcohol. Tiny giggles came from the group in response, and honestly, Shuichi didn’t even want to know. ‘Duh’, Hoashi rolled her eyes as she joined the young females in what they were doing, stuffing some of the bottles into a bag. A bit too late did the bluenette realise what was actually going on. 

Standing by the cashier counter to pay for his stuff, he heard the small yells and laughs of his “friends” as he turned his head to the sound, hearing their fast footsteps echo through the shop as they ran, a loud beeping coming from the door when they ran through with the stolen goods. Saihara’s eyes were wide as he watched them leave, and hearing the cashier’s tired cry for them to come back was somewhat depressing as well. She was obviously too old to go running after the kids, and the fact that this probably happened more often saddened the teen. ‘I’m so sorry’, Shuichi told him, heavily embarrassed by the fact that the group of kids would do something like this, and he shook his head. ‘I… I’ll pay, I’m sorry’, he continued, taking out some money and paying more than he had to simply for the fact that his friends had decided to rob the shop that wasn’t a part of some big company and belonged to the woman herself. ‘What is a polite son like you doing among those thugs?’, the woman asked as she handed Shuichi the things he paid for and the bluenette couldn’t help but to smile bitterly at the wording. ‘I ask myself that every day’, he responded in all honesty, before saying his farewell with a nod of the head and leaving the shop. 

‘Saihara, can’t you run?’, was the first question coming from Gima as soon as the male came out of the shop, his pockets now much emptier than anticipated because he had to pay for his group’s antics. ‘I don’t see the point in robbing this woman’, Shuichi just responded, folding his arms over his chest as he felt most uncomfortable. He was pretty sure that Momota wouldn’t approve of this hobby either, since he himself had old grandparents that he cared a lot about, and he wouldn’t want them to get robbed from their possessions either. He was glad that his hat was covering most of his eyes as he didn’t have to look at the confused faces of his friends, who laughed mockingly.   
He had quite the reputation as the group’s coward, and he was fine with that if it meant that he didn’t have to do the ridiculous things that they wanted him to do. ‘You’re just being a pussy’, Hoashi retorted, pointing towards him, making the boy’s face heat up a little bit. Most of the self esteem he had was already gone by now, but it seemed damage could still be done. ‘Come on, you’ve been with us for how long now? Half a year? And you haven’t even smoked a cig’, Ryoko complained, pinching the bridge of her nose. ‘We got a reputation of Japan’s biggest assholes to uphold, you know?’. That was a little over exaggerated of course, but the others agreed with her easily. ‘I’m sorry, I just don’t feel like being an asshole’, Saihara heard himself say, quite proud of the fact that he dared to say that to them, since he usually was more a quiet type. It was silent for a bit, before Ryoko spoke up again with a huff. ‘Oh, _I’m_ sorry Saihara, but you are more of an asshole than any of us if you’d rather hold up your pussy reputation than spend a good time with your friends. We’re all you’ve got, and you’re treating us like shit’, she finished with a snarl. 

Shuichi was stunned to silence as he watched the group again agree with her. And of course it was dramatic, and over exaggerated, and of course it wasn’t true and it was contradictory and logically the bluenette should’ve known better, but a feeling of guilt started to overtake his mind anyway, making him pull his hat down a bit lower as he didn’t want to look into her eyes, scared of the hatred he may find in them. It was true, they were all he had got. He couldn’t just go back to his old friends, they would definitely reject him, and rightfully so. Even though they definitely didn’t like him all that much they still kept being around him and inviting him to things, even when he would say no to safe his own sorry ass. The group was indeed al he got, although before he functioned just fine with Kaito and Ouma as his only friends. 

‘I…. I’m sorry’, he mumbled, feeling tears well at his eyes as his chest felt heavy from the words. He wasn’t supposed to apologize. This would just go on for longer. But he couldn’t help it. ‘You better be, you almost made Ryoko upset’, Gima huffed, rolling his eyes. It was meant as a joke probably since the others snickered and the girl herself punched the taller male in his shoulder, but still, another pang of guilt reached Saihara as he listened to the words. 

Their moment was interrupted when someone yelled for the leader of the clique as he ran their way. ‘Gima, none of those assholes will answer me, so you better tell me. Did you invite that Ouma fucker or did someone else do it, cuz I will not have that little asshole under my roof any longer, and you can go tell him to fuck off’, the voice of Uno, who was a younger male that was known for his… particular way of wording things. The mentioning of Ouma being there, in whatever context, still made Shuichi feel his heartbeat fasten. The one guy he wouldn’t mind to see right now, even if they weren’t _that_ good friends, since they only hung out once or twice because of school reasons, he was apparently around. Shuichi truly wasn’t sure why the others hated the smaller kid so much. Sure, he pulled prank so now and then and he enjoyed lying, but he was also genuinely nice even if he tried not to seem that way and overall he was good looking, but that was just Saihara’s personal observation which he wouldn’t share with the class for now. 

‘I don’t associate with that kid, man’, Gima put his hands up in defense, making Shuichi frown a bit. It was almost as if they would put shame on those that did, and it was unfair towards the purple haired guy. ‘He’s probably gonna ruin everything again’, Ryoko whined, bawling her fists, and she seemed ready to actually hurt someone, which she undoubtedly always was. ‘He’s not that bad’, Saihara muttered to himself, as he didn’t want to listen to this, but unfortunately for him, Hoashi heard him speak. ‘What did you just say?’. 

‘It’s nothing’, Shuichi quickly responded as his eyes widened, and the blonde pulled the cap from his head, making him frown as everyone could clearly see his face now. ‘Saihara, I swear to fucking god, if you invited that little fucker…’, Uno warned him as soon as the blonde girl repeated what she heard, and the bluenette found this very unfair since she usually got mad at snitches. ‘I didn’t invite anyone, I didn’t even want to come here in the first place’, Shuichi responded in honesty as all eyes that were again judgmentally on him made him nervous. This day he had shown more of his true feelings than he ever had before, yet they still didn’t seem to get the hint that they were at fault. 

‘Strange. Last time I checked, you were the only one that actually hangs out with him’, Hoashi spilled the beans with a glare, making Shuichi cower away a bit as the mood definitely seemed to go down by then. ‘He’s not as bad as you guys think he is’, the blue haired student mumbled in his defense, hearing the scoffs of the group around him. ‘So that’s whose side you’re on’, Gima noted, making Saihara’s eyes widen as he held out his hands as if they were pointing a gun at him. ‘I don’t get why there would need to be a _side_ at all, just because I like being around Kokichi-’. ‘You’re on first name basis?’, Uno asked with an indignant expression. Shuichi frustratedly bawled his fists to his sides at their stupidity, that they could even get that upset by the fact he was friends with someone they disapproved of. 

Gima stepped towards him, with a strange expression as he looked down at him. ‘You wanna know why we dislike that little prick?’, the guy asked, and although Saihara shook his head no since he was fairly sure he wouldn’t give a single damn about what petty reason they hated the boy for, he still continued to speak. ‘He thinks he’s all the rage, prancing around through the school like it’s his, parading through the halls like he owns the place, and he has more daddy issues than anyone else around. He’s a coward, like you, but one with an immense ego’, Gima said calmly and coldly, making Shuichi frown as his chest hurt at those things being used against the young male that just had a bigger fantasy than some around, making him able to enjoy simple things like lying about stuff. ‘Gima, stop’, Saihara said, almost pleaded, but the guy didn’t seem like he was going to stop any time soon. 

‘He lies about anything he can get his hands on, he never is there to help us out, and he’s stolen multiple of our members for his little club of fairies’, the red haired male continued, making Shuichi gulp. ‘Gima, please’. ‘Everytime I see that little face of his, I wouldn’t mind to squish it in my hands till nothing than a tiny spot of red is left of that mutt’, the tall male chuckled darkly, and although his words were ridiculous, Saihara frowned. ‘Gima, he’s a person too, you can’t-’. 

‘I can’t what? Say how it is?’, the “leader” of their group snorted, staring down at the bluenette. ‘You mean you don’t want me to say I wouldn’t mind snapping that little twigs neck? You mean you don’t want me to say that I hate his guts and hope they’re ripped from his body one of these days? You mean you don’t want me to say I wouldn’t shed a single tear if I were to here he came to a tragic end?’, Gima taunted, making Shuichi’s vision blur. Gima knew, he knew about the person that Saihara lost, his friend, and how much it had upset him, death upsets him, no matter who it belonged to. ‘And I don’t think anyone else in their right mind would miss the little _fag_ either’, Gima ended his statement with. 

Shuichi wasn’t sure if it was the slur that he feared which fueled him, but he was running with quick strides from the group of insufferable teens, making his way back to the house to search for Kaede and to see if he could leave with her. 

* * *

_  
✧*:.｡. Lonely, I've been feeling lonely _

_Put me in my place .｡.:*✧  
  
_

* * *

‘Kaede?!’, Shuichi called out as he went through the different rooms of the house, which started to feel more and more like a labyrinth the longer he was in there. There was no sign of the pianolover of a former best friend for a long while, and the bluenette didn’t even care too much that people were looking at him a bit funny for calling out to the girl this desperate, since they were of the mind that he was infatuated with her. He couldn’t really care too much about their ideas of him at the moment though, since he just wanted to go home, and Akamatsu was the only one that was going to be willing to drive him that he would trust at the moment. 

There was a strange crowd of guys in one of the rooms, that were busy with something the male couldn’t quite place as they were mostly cheering, but since there wasn’t any television in the room Saihara didn’t suppose they could have decided to watch football together and act like they were cool because of that (it happened before at a party, and it tired him). However, a dot of blonde hair made him wonder if perhaps Kaede had something to do with it, although he didn’t know what she could be doing to gain this much attention. Pushing through the crowd to try and find the girl, he suddenly came to a halt as he finally noticed what was going on. 

Kaede, holding a cup in one hand and the girl’s face in her other, was kissing the lady that Shuichi remembered Kaito being into, Maki Harukawa. 

He blinked, seeing the fact that his friend was definitely intoxicated as she apparently didn’t mind the crowd of guys that were creeping up on the two girls. He of course knew that Akamatsu wasn’t interested in males but in females, and it didn’t bother him at all; otherwise he would have been quite the hypocrite. And he knew that she liked Maki as well, so he was kind of happy for her that apparently the feeling was returned, too. But still a feeling of dread filled him at the sight of the only person that could’ve brought him home being unable to now, while the gross guys from their and other classes were sitting around them. Even as he called her name she was unresponsive, which is something she never was regarding the quickly emotional guy. He felt the room spin a bit when he realised that he wouldn’t be able to get out of here and Gima would get back with the clique soon, meaning he was going to be stuck in the argument later on. 

He didn’t blame her of course. It had been too many times that Akamatsu couldn’t party just because Shuichi needed a ride home, and he was too cowardly to try and drive himself. Only the thought of being able to danger those around him with his vehicle scared him already. So of course, one day she was going to give in, and that was alright. It was just the fact that it had to be this specific day, where everything seemed to be going wrong already.   
Overwhelmed by what he was seeing and what he was feeling Saihara closed his eyes tightly as he shook his head, trying to rid himself of too negative thoughts that would quickly form, as he stepped back swiftly and tried to back out of the room and forget he even tried anything. He could probably walk home. However, the plan kind of failed when he felt himself harshly bump into someone, that almost fell forward because of him. ‘I-I’m so sorry-’, Shuichi started as he turned around hoping that whoever he pissed off now wasn’t twice his height and quickly pissed, which would result in a broken nose at least. However, he was met with the smaller, purple haired and bright eyed male that he had also hoped to meet at the party. 

Kokichi Ouma scrunched up his nose as he eyed Shuichi, before eyeing his shirt in a way that made Shuichi follow the glance, only to see that because of the bluenette bumping into him he had spilled some of what looked like grape fanta over his shirt. At least it was a dark purple-ish liquid in contrast to the white, checkered fabric, and Saihara felt himself freeze up at the thought that perhaps now he even managed to make Ouma mad at him. ‘Damn it, I- I’m really sorry, I’ll help you clean that’, Shuichi said, cursing under his breath, which made the trickster tilt his head curiously as he inspected the taller male. ‘Oooh, Saihara’s cursing! It must be a serious crisis’, the boy noted with a small smirk, and the blue haired student decided to ignore him.

Together they searched for a bathroom and found one that was unoccupied on the first floor of the house, which was fairly big for a house, and they closed the door behind them. Almost immediately the sound of loud music was muffled now, and Shuichi could feel himself calm down simply from that fact. ‘Where’s the emo hat gone?’, Kokichi asked with interest as he tapped the boy on the head, which resulted into Saihara softly shoving his arm away. ‘Let’s get your shirt cleaned first’, he mumbled, ignoring the question and helping Kokichi as he placed a part of the shirt in the sink without having to take it off, as he opened the tap and let the water do its work. 

‘Sooo….’, Kokichi, who wasn’t good at staying quiet for longer than ten seconds Shuichi supposed, started as the latter was trying to get the stain out by rubbing the shirt underneath the waterstream. ‘How do you like the party, hmm? Is it wild enough for you?’, he asked with a playful grin as he nudged the boy who was working on cleaning the fabric, and Saihara just grumbled in response. It was nice to him how he could’ve not spoken to Ouma in a long while and yet their conversations never seemed to change formality, as the boy was quick to use his given name or his own given nicknames to the student and get a friendly chat or banter started. 

‘It’s alright, I guess’, Shuichi lied calmly as he turned off the faucet and took a towel to at least dry the guy’s shirt off a little so he wouldn’t get sick. ‘Whoa, first time you spoke to me in _days_ and you just go and lie to me?’, the boy pouted dramatically. ‘Not cool, Saihara!’. 

‘Okay, fine, parties aren’t really my thing’, the bluenette confessed with a huff, rolling his eyes but still liking the comfortable and familiar interaction with the purple haired trickster. 

‘No offense’, Kokichi started with an unreadable expression, ‘but why are you here then?’. 

Shuichi was quiet for a bit, as he wasn’t sure what to answer. Of course, he wanted to answer in all honesty and tell his friend slash crush that the reason he really was here was because he felt like he had nowhere else to go anyway, no one to turn to but these friends that he actually didn’t care about since they didn’t care about him and his well being either. That he was scared of the thoughts he had when he was left alone at home and his parents weren’t there to stop him from whatever he would want to do. That he didn’t trust his friend group and he didn’t trust himself, but he didn’t know if that part was the true reason, although it did play on his mind the whole time. He wanted to tell Ouma about what happened and what his friends had made him done so far, the burning taste of alcohol still on his lips although that had been months ago and the harsh feeling of burning out a used cigarette on his skin something that he wouldn’t be able to forget quickly, even if it were just the worries of a coward. He wanted to tell him about the downs he had been having when he was with this group and when he was without it, and the fact that talking to him felt like it was the only normal part of his life at all, the only thing he was now used to that he didn’t mind. 

‘I could ask you the same thing’, Shuichi chose on responding, almost defensively as he placed his hands on his hips. ‘You don’t like anyone that’s around here. They’re all assholes to you’, the boy pointed out as well, seeing the over exaggerated annoyed face that Ouma made and involuntarily laughing softly because of that. ‘Well, perhaps there’s a certain pretty blue haired person that I came here for’, the guy said, and although his tone was teasing and he winked obnoxiously afterwards, to his dismay Saihara could feel the skin on his face heating up. ‘Y-you didn’t know I’d be here’, he pointed out with a cough, and the amused grin on the liars face only widened. ‘Quit assuming, bad shumai! I never said any name, did I? Maybe I’m digging Shirogane now, what do you know’, he puffed out his cheeks as he told him that, to which luckily Shuichi managed to calm down a bit as he chuckled. ‘She bullied you up till seventh grade…’, he muttered, and Kokichi gasped as he pointed at him aggressively. ‘Are you kink shaming me? What happened to you, mister polite?’, he asked with a disapproving tone, managing to make Shuichi laugh a bit more. 

‘Alright, fine, since you’re pushing my limits here’, Kokichi groaned, although Saihara hadn’t said anything after, ‘that was a lie, you know, since I’m a liar. A friend of mine wanted me to get… _acquainted_ or whatever fancy wording that dumbass likes to use with people from my class, to get rid of the bullying and comments and stuff. But I don’t really care for them. Like at all. They kinda suck, actually’, Ouma finished with a nod as if to confirm his story, and he hopped up to sit on the sink as he kicked his legs a bit. 

Because of the interaction he had almost forgotten about his class for the moment, which was a nice change to what had been on his mind the whole time. Shuichi hummed and ran a hand through his hair as he nodded, completely understanding what he was saying. ‘Tell me about it’, he chuckled humorlessly as he averted his gaze to the floor, thinking back at his experience outside with the group. Curiously the purple haired student tilted his head, blinking. ‘Huh? But I thought they were your friends’, he told the boy, that rubbed his neck awkwardly at the revelation to the trickster. ‘Uh, don’t make me explain it please..’, he pleaded softly, as he wasn’t in the mood to bring that all up again. 

‘I already knew though, so I guess I lied again, oopsies!’, the boy said sweetly as he tapped onto the bluenette’s cheek, meaning he wanted him to look up again, which he did, even if it was a subconscious action. The lies that Kokichi spouted all the times didn’t seem to upset Shuichi as much as the lies and gossiping that went around in the group of people that surrounded him, which was a little strange to him, but he supposed that having a crush on a person really does wonders. Or Ouma just was a lot different, and a far better influence on him with his childish grin and energetic and complicated way of trying to cheer the gloomy student back up. 

Again the purple haired male pouted as he bawled his fists, but it wasn’t in a threatening way, something he wouldn’t quickly associate with Kokichi anyway. ‘I don’t get why you keep hanging out with them if you don’t like them though. Like, they literally call themselves bastards, with _pride!_ And people say that I need therapy for _my_ issues, like damn’, Ouma complained as he folded his arms over his chest to make the point, glancing into Shuichi’s eyes softly since he was aware of the fact that he wasn’t that keen on making eye contact. 

Saihara tensed up as he said that, even though the boy didn’t mean to trigger anything. The thing was, he had tried to think of that many times as well. Perhaps he was scared of them, that was a big thing. Perhaps he was just afraid of being lonely, so he didn’t mind what they wanted to use him for, as long as he had someone around. _Perhaps he was aware that he didn’t deserve any better, since they were right all along._

Warm hands cupping his cheeks shook the male out of his thoughts as he looked at Ouma, and felt he himself was trembling a little. ‘Hey, don’t get stuck in that big dumb brain of yours’, the trickster complained, although there was a hint of worry behind his tone. ‘I’m sorry’, Shuichi responded, blinking as he let the feeling of soft hands on his skin sink in, a sweet gesture that didn’t happen to him often anymore. ‘Is that your new catchphrase? I liked it better when you said _no that’s wrong_ all the time’, Kokichi mumbled with a small smile, making Saihara roll his eyes with a small embarrassed blush at the memory. 

‘Anyways!’, Ouma continued as he clapped in his hands and took them away from the blue haired boy, following the action with a dramatic huff. ‘As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted-’, the purple haired male continued and pressed his pointer finger to Shuichi’s lips as he wanted to protest, in a “shhh” motion, ‘Why would you be friends with them, when you can also hang out with me?’, he finished, a raised brow definitely done on purpose. ‘I _do_ hang out with you sometimes’, Saihara replied when Ouma let him speak again, with a small smile at what the guy was actually saying. ‘Yah, duh! But not enough, non non! You _barely_ spend time with me, Saihara-chan!’, the guy continued his complaining, making Shuichi blush a bit with the use of honorific, a _wrong_ use in his opinion. ‘H-how much did you have to drink?’, he asked a bit embarrassed as he rubbed his arm sheepishly.

Kokichi gasped and placed a hand on his heart. ‘Rude! You wounded me, shumai’, he whined as he kicked his legs a little faster, making shuichi wonder how much energy the little guy actually had, as thick tears started to roll down the boys cheek. Although he should’ve known better, Saihara’s eyes widened and he carefully placed his hand on Ouma’s shoulder. ‘Wait, I didn’t mean it like that, I-’, he started, but heard laughter bubble up from the purple haired trickster’s stomach, and only then he realised that it was the fake crying trick he pulled literally every single time. Shuichi folded his arms over his chest as a red embarrassed blush again set on his face, when he stepped back as the male laughed at him, but not necessarily in a mean way. It managed to crack the bluenette up as well, as he noticed how stupid he was for thinking it was real at first . ‘Every single time’, he sighed, and Kokichi grinned proudly. ‘Yup! I’m just that good’. 

Shuichi felt a lot lighter during their conversation for some reason, like a big burden was being carried for him for a change. Although Kokichi teased him and pushed his limits sometimes, he was respectful of Saihara’s obvious boundaries, and he was a fun person to be around. Even though he told lies all the time Shuichi still felt like he could trust the person that was Ouma more than he could trust anyone else he knew, and the fact that Kokichi was obviously trying to cheer him up with his ways of being was really sweet as well. Of course Shuichi wouldn’t tell him that he noticed this, since Kokichi would proceed to deny the claim since he had an evil status to uphold or whatever silly reason he could come up with. Although they didn’t get to hang out outside of school a lot, this wasn’t the first time that Ouma took his mind off of things whenever he was thinking too much. Saihara had the bad habit of thinking too much after all, and wanting to know everything and do everything right and in the way that he wanted it as well, but with Kokichi it was different. He was more relaxed with him, and he was happier, if he had to be honest. He still didn’t think he would decide to ever tell him that, since that was a bit of a strange thing to drop on someone that perhaps didn’t even consider him a friend. 

‘It’s so much more quiet in here’, Shuichi noted out loud as he heard the soft drum of music, but in the bathroom it was a much more pleasant background than the loudness it had brought in the livingroom and basically every other room the guy had been so far. ‘It’s kinda nice’. 

‘Well, if you want to, we can just stay in here’, Kokichi shrugged, folding his hands in his lap as he watched the other male. ‘We don’t have to go back in there when things are more fun in here, don’t you think?’, he added with a smile, and for a moment Saihara felt like he was going to make a fool out of himself again by accepting the suggestion, although he soon realised he could make use of the situation to finally get back on his more quick witted friend. ‘ _We_?’, he asked with a teasing tone, a small, almost proud smirk on his lips as it seemed to have caught the liar off guard. Unfortunately for him, there was more than just one layer to Ouma’s talent to snap back, so soon enough the boy got back his spirit as he rolled his eyes. ‘Wow, okay virgin, I’ll go then’, he grumbled, grinning as once again Saihara seemed embarrassed. ‘Shut it, you know I didn’t mean it in that way’, Shuichi whined softly as he sighed, desperate for the guy to go easy on him, but laughing even at his own expense as Kokichi’s signature laugh was a little too tempting not to join into. Sure, his comment had backfired, but at least they got a laugh out of it. 

Usually whenever the bluenette talked to Ouma at school they were quick interrupted when he saw one of his “friends” near, knowing full well that he shouldn’t have been talking to Kokichi since they didn’t like him and would see it as some sort of betrayal. This is the sole reason why he didn’t manage to get as close to the guy as he would’ve liked, although he wasn’t sure if it was really a friendship that the trickster wanted, when it seemed more like he had enough fun just talking to Shuichi once in a while. It almost seemed like some sort of forbidden lovers thing on Saihara’s side, and the thought had him feel embarrassed with himself as well as angry at the group of people he spend so much of his time with, only to feel not appreciated and overall ignored and / or pushed around. 

Now it felt like they had all the time in the world to catch up a bit. This week they hadn’t managed to chat that much since Shuichi was busy studying and Kokichi was doing… whatever Kokichi does in his spare time, Saihara was pretty sure he didn’t even want to know, listening to him spout nonsense about going with his large secret evil organisation on a mission to kill a president from another country. Although he had seen the mop of purple hair so now and then during the week which was proof that the story was completely false, it was too amusing to point this fact out, and instead he let Ouma’s imagination run wild with no stop to it. 

‘...So then I told her, no thank you! I am very much homo, now get out of my way, before I cut your throat as well as your dear old daddy’s. Now what did you do during these days, Shu?’, he asked brightly, excited after finishing the story that he probably spend a lot of time to think about. Shuichi wasn’t even fully paying attention anymore, stuck with a lovesick smile on his face as he watched the boy talk about what he was passionate about, feeling as light as a feather now that his mind wasn’t on the horror around him. ‘I don’t get why they dislike you so much’, he muttered, the thought of his group of “bastards” making him cringe a bit again. 

‘Cuz I’m a liar, not everyone can handle that’, Ouma simply replied, blinking as the unreadable expression returned on his face, and his lips pressed into a thin line. Shuichi frowned, it was unfair after all. ‘Well, they lie to themselves all the time, I don’t get how that’s so much different. So I don’t see how that should be a problem’. It was rewarded with a snort from Kokichi, who grinned: ‘wow, roasted! Pop off, detective!’. 

Shuichi hid his face in his hands, even more embarrassed from the amount of times that Ouma managed to make his face heat up, were it because of silly nicknames or strange flirty comments. ‘Stop calling me detective…!’, he tried to sound threatening, but it just came out as soft as he usually spoke. He was sort of a detective; well, not really. He would call himself an apprentice, since his uncle was a detective, and whenever he stayed at his place he would sometimes help him a bit with cases and with clearing his mind about certain cases, which was fun. He loved those silly crime novels with amazing detectives as well, although he would rather not admit that to the people he knew. At school when they were discussing about jobs and Saihara had told his friends that he thought about becoming a detective, like his uncle was, they had laughed at him and mocked him for it. It had been kind of a sucky experience, and he decided to think before he opened his mouth about his own stupid hobbies. 

Kokichi again tilted his head, a questioning finger placed at his chin. ‘Huh? But I thought you _wanted_ to become a detective! That is what you want to be, right?’, he asked, basically jabbing at the sore spot without mercy as Shuichi cringed a little. ‘It’s….’, he started, although he was fairly sure he couldn’t lie to Ouma, since he would definitely see right through him. ‘It’s embarrassing’, he finally told him, his gaze averted to the floor again, and he really wished he could’ve just worn his hat right then so he didn’t have to see Ouma’s interested eyes on him. ‘Says who?’, Ouma asked, almost sounding a little snappy, although his anger wasn’t pointed at Saihara himself of course. Says who? That was a good question. His friends did. He did. The group of people he hung out with did. Everyone does. He wasn’t sure why the idea of him becoming a detective was so laughable, but apparently it was, and he got used to the fact that becoming a detective was probably a silly child's dream that he held onto for too long. 

‘So, if I’m assuming this correctly’, Ouma hummed a bit disapprovingly, ‘Just because those fake friends of yours tease you for it, you’re gonna stop doing what you love?’.  
  
‘It’s not like that’, Shuichi muttered, although that was a blatant lie. It was exactly like that, actually. 

‘Then what’s it like?’, Kokichi asked him almost in a petty way, setting his hands on his hips to accentuate the fact that he wasn’t agreeing with the way that Shuichi treated himself, but he chose to ignore this fact. And the thing was, Saihara wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He was right, of course. It was stupid that for people he didn’t actually care about, he would stop himself from becoming what he wanted to become. But deep down, he felt like they were right, simply because they all thought so. If every single one of them thought it was stupid, who was he to think that it wasn’t?. ‘Are you scared of them?’, Ouma guessed, seeing Shuichi’s face fall a bit as he asked that, and the same dread he felt before filled him once more. 

‘...No?’, Saihara tried, although the answer was way too hesitant and soft to be able to be the truth, and Kokichi knew this. He hummed with interest and hopped off of the sink, standing in front of Shuichi. Although he wasn’t that big, it was still a bit intimidating when he was actually getting into personal feelings territory. ‘So, you’re telling me that you wouldn’t be afraid to tell them you’re gay?’, he asked, sounding like he definitely didn’t believe him. 

Shuichi huffed defensively as he shrugged, not wanting to talk about this. ‘Uh, if I wanted them to know, I would tell them. I don’t know why you think I’m afraid of them’, he answered before biting his lip, and it was silent in the bathroom for a moment. Suddenly, he realised what he’d just said, and Saihara’s eyes widened almost to the point where they started to hurt. ‘W-wait, but I’m not!’. 

‘Wow!’, Kokichi smirked, his finger over his lips, ‘that was just a wild guess, but it seems my intuition was right, nishishi!’. Shuichi’s shoulders slumped as he failed to keep up the facade of having everything pulled together, and he gritted his teeth as he stared at his shoes as if they were the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. ‘Did you just want to stay here to make fun of me?’, he asked, the calmth he had felt before gone. ‘Yup, you got me there!’, Ouma said way too cheerily, making Saihara frown a bit. ‘...That was a lie?’, he guessed, and the smirk that had been on the purple haired student was gone, as he just sighed loudly. ‘No shit, sherlock’. 

A bit upset now, Shuichi turned to the door and decided to ignore what information Ouma was trying to get out of him. ‘We should probably get back soon, they must be wondering where I am’, Shuichi bluffed, as he was pretty sure that basically no one cared. Definitely not after the small happening outside, after they decided to rob the local market which was definitely not fair to the poor lady that owned the shop. They didn’t care after all when he had to empty his pockets for them again, and they didn’t care when he told them not to talk as derogatory as they did about Kokichi, so why should they care about his well being at this instant? He wouldn’t be surprised if he would die and it turned out they couldn’t care less, even though he feels like the death of a close one is one of the worst things for one to go through. 

‘Oh?’, Ouma asked, interested. He didn’t seem like he was going to back down from his questioning soon, although Saihara could sense a bit of remorse for the fact that the trickster couldn’t comfort him at the moment if he wanted answers. ‘Are you afraid of my judgement, Saihara-chan?’. ‘Don’t call me that’, Shuichi snapped, glaring at Kokichi, which seemed to take him aback. Shuichi’s eyes widened and he stepped back, as he didn’t mean to be mean towards the smaller boy, but if the sweet and cute nickname that he secretly enjoyed would be associated with his friend group in his mind if he was called that during this uncomfortable argument, he wouldn’t be able to handle that. It would be like one of the good pieces of Kokichi would be swapped for a sad memory, and Ouma to him had been escape of all the bad things, so he didn’t understand why he tried to push him so much now. 

‘Fine’, Ouma started over, a bit more careful now with his wording. ‘Are you afraid of my judgement?’, he asked again, his voice softer than before as he didn’t want to seem too threatening to the bluenette. ‘...What are you, my therapist?’, Shuichi huffed as he almost didn’t recognize himself with how much of a wall he was trying to build around his emotions at the moment. ‘You’re getting defensive, so that must mean it’s true’, Kokichi answered simply, no malice in his voice however, which confused the guy, that usually associated him talking about what was wrong with him with bad experiences from the people around him. 

He didn’t want something like that to happen with Ouma. He wanted to cherish their better feelings, not open up another door to suffering. 

‘Let’s not talk about this, I want to leave’, Saihara told him as he turned to the door once again, ready to open it, but he stopped in his tracks as he felt Ouma’s soft hand wrap around his wrist to stop him from exiting their chat in this way. ‘No. Let’s talk about it’, Ouma said almost forcefully, and Shuichi gulped. He shook his head to himself, feeling tears starting to form at the corners of his eyes. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want Kokichi to push him as well. He didn’t want him to turn into the monster he had made from the group of supposed friends in his head. He didn’t want him to take the good moments and stomp on them in this way, it was unfair. It wasn’t okay, it hurt, it was unfair, _unfair_ , _Unfairunfairunfairunfair-_

‘Shuichi, look at me’, Kokichi spoke softly, and only then did he notice he had spaced out. The purple haired student’s hands were once again on his cheeks and keeping his face up a bit as he looked into his eyes with worry, confusing the bluenette for the fact that he didn’t sense disgust or anything like that in his gaze. ‘You know I don’t speak the truth often, but I mean it when I say I want to know you, alright? I won’t judge you, even if I joke about serious things. It wasn’t my intention to make you distrust me’, Ouma told him in the most sincere way the young male could muster, and Saihara knew that he wasn’t that great at sharing his own insecurities like this, with no lies involving the subject. Still, he risked his own comfortableness to reassure Saihara, and it worked. Kokichi wasn’t out to hurt him, of course he wasn’t. He wanted to make the experience of talking about things like these less painful. It was a good thing. At least, Shuichi hoped this meant it was a good thing. 

‘I… don’t know what to tell you’, he mumbled softly as he decided it would maybe be good to open up a little. Kokichi smiled a bit and this time didn’t let go of him, as he decided to make the subject less heavy on the boy, since he’d heard a lot already for one day. ‘Oh come on shumai, there must be some struggle that you can’t talk about with those bastards! A teenager shouldn’t keep everything to himself, you know. A crush perhaps?’, the trickster basically prodded at him as Shuichi blushed at the mentioning of a crush, the heat probably reaching the liar’s hands. ‘Ah, bingo!’, he grinned proudly, making Saihara laugh quietly, as he was less tense now. Although he wouldn’t exactly want Ouma to find out about his liking for the guy which was probably not mutual, he still felt a weight again being removed off his shoulders when he realised he could trust Kokichi anyway. 

Kokichi thought for a bit, his tongue poking out a bit as he concentrated, a trait that Shuichi found utmost endearing. His purple eyes gleamed, probably with mischief of some sort, and he grinned. ‘Oooh! Do I know them?’, he asked, wiggling his brows. ‘O-ouma, stop questioning me about this’, Saihara muttered bashfully, as he carefully took the boy’s hands off of his face. ‘Wow, you are easy to read, it’s almost unfair’, the trickster bragged, and Shuichi elbowed him with a scoff, rolling his eyes. 

‘You’re not the detective, now stop questioning me’, Shuichi told him with a small smile, no harm behind his words, and Kokichi grinned as this got him excited for some reason, and he jumped a bit. ‘Wait! Maybe you should become my partner in crime! Shu and Ko, on their way to beat some rich ass!’, the boy exclaimed as he gestured with his hands, making the story more lively and making Saihara chuckle. ‘Sure, if I decide that obeying the law isn’t my thing, I’ll join your secret big and totally real evil organisation’, the bluenette nodded solemnly, to which Kokichi nudged his shoulder. ‘That’s the spirit, Saihara-chan!’. Luckily his assumption about Shuichi not actually minding the honorific was correct, since he didn’t comment on it this time. 

There was much that Shuichi wanted to tell him in the moment of silence that followed. He wanted to thank him, for being nice and for giving him an opportunity to enjoy something about life. He wanted to tell him all about his homelife and how his parents made him feel alone, but he didn’t want to ruin the mood either. He wanted to hug him, to thank him for being his friend, he wanted to confess to him that he loved him even if the word love alone was a scary one, since he shouldn’t have felt that without being as close to the guy as he’d like to have been, simply so the little guy knew that he wasn’t unlovable. He wanted to show him how grateful he was to know him, and he wanted him to realise how much he meant, but he didn’t know how to go about it. So he didn’t say anything, enjoying the moment that both of them just looked at each other in silence, their gazes saying more than their words could in the moment.   
However, their moment was pretty soon rudely interrupted. 

* * *

_  
✧*:.｡. So fuck you, I don't even like you _

_I'm sick of all the fake .｡.:*✧  
  
_

* * *

A loud banging on the door by what they assumed was a pair of fists startled the two boys who had been in the bathroom in complete peace by now, almost in a way that they had forgotten about the party that was being held outside of there. The voice that spoke up Shuichi could place, and he was pretty sure it was Uno’s brother, which he also decided just to call Uno since he could barely remember the names of all the people he actually did hang out with. That was just because he couldn’t really care, however, since people he did care about he could easily remember. ‘Saihara! I know you’re in there, ya little shit! I don’t care what chick you’re banging in there, they’re toasting on everyone man, and you’re not getting out of it this time!’, a laugh roared from behind the door after having said that, making Shuichi wince a bit, his nose scrunching up in a way that Kokichi found adorable, something he, to Saihara’s horror, said out loud. 

‘I-I can’t, they’re gonna make me drink, I don’t want to, it hurt last time’, Shuichi told Ouma, a little panicked, and although he couldn’t quite understand the alcohol-phobia, he himself found the drink to be gross anyway, and he squeezed the bluenette’s hand to comfort him. ‘It’s alright, we’ll figure something out to get them off your back, alright?’, he muttered softly, knowing not to raise his voice too much since Uno junior out there could probably hear him if he did. 

Another round of bangs thumped through the room as the guy kept drumming on the wooden door. ‘Come on now man, get out of your girl, cuz I’m gonna open the door!’, he warned, and Shuichi pulled a grossed out face at what the guy said. Kokichi snickered from the reaction. ‘Yup, definitely gay’, he noted, And Saihara gasped indignantly, pushing him softly as he muttered back a ‘shut up, that’s not funny’, back. 

‘Come on, I’m gonna count from ten, and then I’m bursting in bro!’, the younger Uno brother called out loudly as he was apparently persistent in including Saihara in their drinking activities, like most around seemed to be whenever it came to the aspiring detective. ‘What do I do what do I do _what do I do?_!’, Shuichi hissed as he again felt himself panic, grabbing onto his hair. Kokichi placed a hand on his shoulder, so that the guy would look up at him. Although it wasn’t really looking up since the trickster was smaller, but that’s besides the point. ‘I might have an idea’, he started, ‘but I don’t think you’ll like it’. 

‘Ten!’. 

‘What’s your idea? Anything is fine right now!’, Shuichi quickly hissed. 

‘Nine!’. 

‘If I tried to explain it now, you would just struggle and it would take too long’, Kokichi tried to tell him as he looked quite troubled himself. 

‘Eight!’. 

‘Kokichi, you need to do _something,_ please!’, the bluenette pleaded, dreading the moment that he would be dragged out of there and forced into some stupid drinking game. 

‘Seven!’. 

‘Okay, don’t panic when I do it, alright?’, Kokichi started a little hesitantly. 

‘Six!’. 

‘Wh-what? Why would I panic?’, Shuichi asked Ouma with a confused expression. 

‘Five!’. 

Ouma bit his lip, staying silent. 

‘Four!’. 

‘Kokichi, why would I panic?’, Saihara pressed, much more tense now because of the whole situation. 

‘Three, almost there!’. 

‘Shuichi, I warned you, you’re not gonna like it. Do you want my help?’, Kokichi asked carefully. 

‘Two!’. 

‘I…’, Shuichi trembled a bit as he tried to process this, but he quickly understood that Ouma probably wouldn’t hurt him or anything like that. ‘Yes, just do what you need to do’, he told him. 

‘One! Coming in!’, the Uno brother called from outside as it sounded like he gave a last kick to the door to accentuate his sentence. And before Shuichi could fully process what was happening, a pair of soft lips connected with his own, as he forcefully crashed into the wall by the impact and shock. 

The shock about the fact that Kokichi Ouma was kissing him is what made his mind go foggy for the time being as he didn’t realise where he was, and neither did he care; all he cared about that instant was the startling sensation of warm lips pressed to his as a soft hand cupped his cheek, which could definitely feel the heat that had now formed on the skin. Ouma’s left hand was pressed firmly against his hip to keep him in place, and Shuichi was pretty sure it was actually meant for if he would faint at the random attack. Still, after the moment of shock had passed, he found himself pushing into the feeling and adding pressure as well, noticing the surprised hum that the boy made and deciding that he didn’t mind that sound.Kokichi felt closer to him than he ever had as he felt the thumb stroke his skin softly and it made him feel appreciated, _respected,_ no matter how sudden the action had been. He felt the other hand rub circles in his hip as Ouma parted his lips a bit, guiding the bluenette to do the same, who happily complied, definitely with the little squeeze that followed which made the blue haired boy blush furiously, and he could feel the purple haired student’s mischievous smirk in the kiss. 

Shuichi wasn’t sure when the sweet kiss turned into making out, but it happened somehow, and he couldn’t have felt more euphoric than he had in that moment. 

However, soon enough the intimate moment was ruined when a cry from the guy that had just witnessed this basically broke the spell and made Saihara remember where exactly they were and in what circumstances the two guys found themselves. ‘What in the world-!’, the Uno brother yelled out as he stared at the scene in horror, seeing the newer member of his brother’s group of friends Saihara and what he supposed was the arch-enemy of them entangled in such a deed as this; not to mention the fact that they were both _guys._

Shuichi’s eyes widened and he pushed the smaller male off of himself, who stepped back and gracefully wiped some spit off of his lips, making the bluenette more embarrassed than he had been before. ‘Ouma!’, he basically whimpered with a pleading look, and the boy smirked a bit, although he did seem remorseful for what was of course to happen afterwards. ‘I think we’re on first name basis now, don’t you?’, he joked softly to hopefully break the tension a little, but Saihara was still a bit shaken up by the dark glare of Uno on them. 

‘Y-you… you!’, Shuichi heard another familiar voice, and as he saw that Gima was indeed back from being outside with the group. He had apparently seen what had happened, and he didn’t seem too happy about it. Saihara felt himself shake a little, and as he looked at Ouma, he realised the purple haired male hadn’t anticipated literally _all_ of them to be here at the moment either. ‘G-Gima, I’m-’, Shuichi tried to explain, but with big strides the man went towards Kokichi, and pulled onto his collar, which couldn’t have been a great experience. 

‘You disgusting, horrible little fucking manipulator’, Gima hissed at him, gripping tighter onto the fabric, and Shuichi could see that the guy was having trouble breathing. ‘G-Gima, stop!’, the aspiring detective tried, but as per usual, the red haired male didn’t feel like listening to him. ‘You come into our base, talk with our friends, and now you decide to jump one of them. Do you think you’re gonna get out of this with no cuts and bruises? Cuz you would be wrong, buddy’, he told him with a dark chuckle, and Saihara felt himself getting more scared as he saw the reddening face of Kokichi, who was having trouble breathing now. ‘Stop it!’, Shuichi cried again, seeing that most of the friend group was standing in the door opening and watching them. He looked at them, desperate. ‘Please, one of you, just stop him!’, he pleaded. However, as response there was an utter silence from the group, and Saihara could feel himself tear up. This was what it was like to be alone in such a big group of “friends”. 

‘I always wanted to see what you looked like on the brink of death, ain’t gonna lie’, Gima muttered to the guy he was holding, that now was dropping his calm stance and gripping onto the wrists of the guy that was hauling him up basically, his face getting more red by the second as he gasped to breathe more properly, but it just resulted into wheezing. For a second, Ouma’s gaze met Shuichi’s, and the blue haired student couldn’t handle it anymore. 

Despite the despair that he felt by seeing this and knowing he would probably not be able to change fate, Saihara launched himself at the taller leader of their clique and grabbed onto his arms harshly, pretty sure that his nails sinked into the flesh of the guy. Although Shuichi wasn’t exactly strong, it had been enough of a shock for Gima to let go of Kokichi, and the purple haired male fell to the ground as he tried to regain his normal breathing pattern now that he was finally let go of. 

‘It was nothing like that!’, Shuichi basically cried into the guy’s face, hoping he would finally listen now that he used more violence, although he was thrown off of Gima fairly easily. ‘...Excuse me?’, the guy asked, glance dark as he stared at Saihara. ‘Do you mean to say that you… let him?’. 

With a deep breath, Shuichi’s eyes roamed over the group of people that were all looking at him like he just turned water into wine or something like that. Like he was a ghost. Like he wasn’t supposed to be there. That, he supposed, was true. 

‘Y-yes, I did’, he responded, his voice quivering as he tried to stand up straight and stand his ground, at least for as long that Ouma would be down for. A short silence followed until soft murmurs filled the place, and Saihara was sure he’d never seen such a big bunch of homophobes together in one place before; it made him sick to his stomach that they could hate him for this to the point that Shuichi could feel _ashamed_ for this. ‘I did’, he repeated, folding his arms over his chest as he hoped that his voice came out a little more confident this time. ‘Fucking told you guys’, he heard Hoashi say, who was standing in the crowd of people that were watching what was happening by the door. 

‘You did, huh?’, Gima asked, his expression unreadable as he stared at Shuichi. The boy tensed up, knowing this couldn’t be good, so instead of speaking, he just nodded with no hesitation to show him what he was made of. 

It wasn’t a great idea, as only seconds later a fist collided with his face. 

* * *

_  
✧*:.｡. No sleep, got another nosebleed _

_I can't feel my face .｡.:*✧  
  
_

* * *

Shuichi grabbed at his nose in pain as he felt a stream of warm liquid running down his skin, and a metallic taste and smell filled his senses as the tears that were already welling up freed themselves again at the feeling of pain. ‘Would you look at that!’, Gima huffed with a loud noise that Saihara couldn’t quite place. ‘Two happy little fags making out in _our_ fucking house, and he can’t even pack a punch!’, Gima continued. He seemed to be challenging Shuichi, but the bluenette was definitely not feeling up to it. ‘Come on then wuss, show us what you’re made of. If you can kiss a dude with no feeling of guilt, you should be able to punch one too’, the red haired dude continued, pointing towards his face. The group of people laughed as he saw the man was basically holding out his face for him, but Shuichi cowered away a bit anyway. 

‘Shuichi Saihara, everyone!’, Gima widened his arms as if he owned the place, which was probably the truth, and the laughing of people around him made Shuichi collapse under their dark gazes. His eyes were wide but his vision was dark as he almost couldn’t take in what was happening anymore. His mind seemed to have taken over for the moment, the darkest of thoughts filling his brain, but mostly that he was alone. He was a _bastard_ , a _fairy,_ whatever they wanted to call him, but now he was alone. 

‘What’s going on here?!’, he heard a loud voice of someone that he didn’t expect to see again today, but he couldn’t have been less happy to hear his loud voice at the moment. Kaito Momota pushed past the crowd of people that was standing there, and behind him were standing Maki and Kaede. It seemed like they had had quite the emotional talk before, and Kaito still seemed a little riled up, although Shuichi knew him to be most respectful a person as well so it couldn’t have gone too wrong. 

‘Oh, Momota, here to confess your homosexual tendencies as well now we’re at it? Join the club! We got clown fairy and pussy fairy right over here, I’m sure we can fit big dumb asshole fairy as well!’, Gima bellowed as he was in a certain mood in which words didn’t really matter to him anymore as he spurred whatever nonsense came to mind. It was almost sad to see how glad the dude got from punching someone in the nose and not being hurt back. 

‘Back away from Shuichi and Ouma right now!’, Kaito basically demanded, and the crowd of people fell silent as he pointed towards the big guy angrily. Everyone was aware of the fact that Momota and Ouma didn’t get along really well either, so it must have been important to him if he also defended the trickster out of all people. ‘Or what?’, Gima snorted, holding his hands out. ‘Or you’re gonna paint me a queer little rainbow?’. 

‘I don’t know if you know, sonny, but Maki-roll here can punch harder than any guy you’ll ever meet’, Kaito warned him, as he stepped forward and grabbed him by the shirt. ‘You are one big asshole of a hypocrite, you know that? So it’s fine to be a creep and watch the girls kiss, but when guys do the same, you get scared that your fragile masculinity will get tainted’, Momota snarled at him, speaking words that Saihara hadn’t yet heard him speak. ‘So what, you mean to say you condone of this shit?’, Gima chuckled humorlessly. ‘I don’t see what’s funny about this, asshole. You try loving someone that doesn’t love you. Like your parents, for example’, Kaito said, hearing the _oooh_ from the people around them, that were quite invested in this fight that would definitely escalate already.

Shuichi still lay on the floor as he suddenly felt two hands grasp his own, and his eyes managed to open with a normal vision this time. When Gima had been distracted with Kaito Kokichi had crawled over to Shuichi, and tried to wake him up from whatever panic he wa having in his head at the moment. ‘Let’s leave now, and never come back here’, the purple haired boy muttered to him as he rubbed a circle into his skin which was more calming than Saihara thought it would be.   
The crowd was mostly distracted with the verbal fight that was going on, and Kaede tried to apologize to Shuichi as soon as she saw him follow with the support of Ouma, but he quickly shot her a look to tell her it was okay. Pulling him through the crowd, Kokichi kept a tight grip onto his arm so he wouldn’t lose the guy to these people. And as soon as they were out of the big crowd of people, Kokichi muttered a soft ‘run’. And run he did. 

It was dark outside as they reached the front door and bolted through it, feeling the cold night air sting their skin. Shuichi shivered, but he ran anyway, Kokichi’s warm hand in his. His mind was a little all over the place at the moment, the fact that he would have to thank Kaito for this later and that he didn’t know what was going to happen to him now playing on a strange repeat. 

Eventually Kokichi stopped running, and their loud footsteps turned into softer ones as they simply walked the streets. Shuichi hadn’t brought that good of a jacket, which made him colder than he would’ve liked to be, but luckily it didn’t seem like Ouma minded the fact that he was clinging to him. It had been quite the shock for the both of them, he supposed. 

‘...So much for being friendly to our classmates’, Ouma said softly once they both calmed down their breathing again and the biggest shock from what had happened was gone. It was meant as a joke, of course, but Shuichi still felt himself tear up from the uncertainty this situation brought him. ‘Hey, Shu, it’s alright’, Kokichi told him, uncharacteristically soft as he wiped away his tears that almost felt like ice on his skin, and he sighed softly. ‘I mean… I think you’re rid of them, at least. I’m sure Kaito won’t be a part of them anymore, either. Maybe you, me, Kaito, Kaede and Maki can start a new group? I’m sure I can force Rantaro to leave those stoners as well, by threatening to kill him or somethin’, Kokichi assured him, making Shuichi smile a bit through the tears that were still rolling down his cheeks. ‘I-I’m sorry for this’, he muttered embarrassedly as he wiped at his face, and Ouma nudged him gently. ‘Hey, don’t be. I won’t judge you for being a little cry baby’, he smiled brightly, making Shuichi chuckle softly through the tears, and it strangely helped him calm down. 

‘Kokichi?’, he hummed as they just continued on walking, and Shuichi wasn’t exactly sure where they were going, but as he held the boy’s hand, he didn’t seem to mind. 

‘Yeah?’, Ouma responded mindlessly as he skipped over some of the stones, and he himself was familiar with these streets. 

‘Have you ever been called a bastard?’, Saihara asked, as he was unable to form the connection between what his definition of that word was with the definition of Gima and his clique. 

‘Oh, sure. Many times, actually’, Ouma chuckled softly, elbowing him. ‘You?’. 

‘Once’, Shuichi replied bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck. ‘But Kaito said it. Not specifically about me. He said _us._ I just don’t really understand’, he continued, trying to keep what happened this night off his mind while still trying to stay connected to it, in this way. 

‘I think there are different definitions of bastards. Like, you have Gima and his group of assholes, those are the bastards that suck you know? It’s the curse word that comes up first when you see his ugly, punchable face’, Kokichi explained, making Shuichi chuckle softly as he leaned against the boy a bit, tired after this eventful night. ‘But… you have the ones that we are. That don’t really… belong, I guess? Those that just try to find acceptance which may never come, and will find acceptance in each other. I think that was Gima’s first thought when he decided that being called little bastards wasn’t an insult, but something to take pride in. I don’t see it that way; both will need to run as fast as they can from those to call them the word’, Ouma continued. As Shuichi thought about it, he supposed he was right. 

‘I don’t think I can go home right now. My parents would get pissed’, Shuichi muttered as he rubbed at his nose that still had some blood coming out of it. ‘You’re like, seventeen right, don’t you make your own decisions?’, Kokichi joked softly, elbowing him. ‘But yeah, sure, since you want to so bad, you can stay at my place tonight. Just don’t get any dirty thoughts in your head, Saihara’, he warned him, making Shuichi blush a bit and roll his eyes. 

He was seventeen, yeah. Perhaps it was indeed the time for him to start thinking for himself, instead of acting like the follower of a group that he didn’t belong to like he had so far. He didn’t need to be a bastard if he just didn’t allow himself to be one, and it was like Kokichi said. When they belonged together, with Kaito Maki and Kaede perhaps with them, they _would_ belong. Even if it wasn’t a big shield of people to be able to care about, wasn’t that unimportant if it meant he could be closer to those he actually cared about?   
Shuichi eyed the boy that was next to him. He didn’t know what that kiss had meant to Ouma, and he didn’t feel like asking either, but he was glad for his sentiment anyway. ‘I guess you’re right’, he mumbled, having the boy look at him funnily. 

‘A-about the decision thing, not the dirty thoughts- whatever, you know what I mean’, Shuichi grumbled as he folded his arms together, and hearing the laugh that followed from Kokichi, he supposed it was worth the trouble. 

* * *

  
✧*:.｡. _Twist and fade_

_Time to run away a little faster_

_Run, you little bastards .｡.:*✧  
  
_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:
> 
> I hope this wasn't too boring but I spent too long on it not to post it.  
> Anyways kudos and comments are appreciated but don't feel obligated to anything, I hope you had at least a bit of fun reading :)


End file.
